Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Whiner
by QueenofFlarmphgal
Summary: A parody of Star Wars: Episode III. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**STAR WARS: EPISODE 3**

**REVENGE OF THE SITH**

**A parody**

**by QueenofFlarmphgal**

**Author's Note: Attention Star Wars fans! While I am obsessed with LOTR, I also love the Star Wars films. I enjoyed this movie! I didn't write this to say that it sucked, but I saw things a little…differently. This is based mostly on when me and my friends went to see it recently. **

**Summary: A parody of Episode Three**

**Rating: G, only for a little violence, and some cursing**

**And on we go! **

INT. TITLE SCREEN

Everyone in the audience knows two things: Anakin goes to the dark side. And there is a humungous fight between Obi-Wan and Anakin. The audience proceeds to read a long paragraph that perfectly describes the first ten minutes of the movie.

INT. BATTLE

Anakin and Obi-Wan are leading the clones to a Sepratist ship, where Palpatine is being held 'captive'.

Anakin: The Chancellor is on THAT ship.

Obi-Wan: The impenetrable one?

Anakin: Yep.

Obi-Wan:…ok, ATTACK!

About two clone fighters go toward the ship, and are picked off in about a second.

Obi-Wan: Damn. We're alone.

Anakin: Who didn't see that coming?

Obi-Wan: Well…oh no! I'm being attacked by high little mushroom-rat droids!

Anakin: I'll save you!

Anakin then shoots a few of the droids. Then he misses, shooting of the end of Obi-Wan's wing.

Obi-Wan: Gee, thanks.

Anakin: Let's just land already.

Obi-Wan: Maybe we should turn off the shield first.

Anakin: Good idea.

They land just inside the tractor beam. R2-D2 pops out.

Obi-Wan: Ok, let's find the Chancellor. R2, stay here with my comlink thing. Don't worry, I turned it up to extra-extra loud so you can hear me!

They leave and get into an elevator. It breaks

Anakin: I'll get us out by carving a hole and jumping out with my JEDI POWERS!

He jumps out

Obi-Wan: (yelling into comlink) R2! MAKE THE ELEVATOR GO UP! UP! UP!

Meanwhile, R2 is hiding while two droids go through the ship.

Battle Droid: Hey look! I found a quarter!

Other Battle Droid: Shut up! I hear something!

Comlink: MAKE THE ELEVATOR GO UP! UP! UP!

R2 tries (and fails) to hide the comlink, or at least make it shut up. He sticks his fixes-everything tool in the socket, fixing the elevator. Anakin, who was on the roof of the elevator, falls back in the hole very UNGRACEFULLY.

Anakin: Ow.

Obi-Wan: Hey, this reminds me of the time-

Anakin: No more wire jokes.

Obi-Wan: What?

Back at the hangar, the droids find R2.

Droids: What the hell are you doing here?

R2 squirts ink on them. And sets fire to them.

Droids: OW!

Audience: Ha ha! That was SO funny!

Droid humor: Stops being funny.

Anakin and Obi-Wan find the Chancellor.

Anakin: Hi. How're you doing?

Palpatine: Me? I'm fine. But Count Dooku's right behind you, so you might want to leave.

Anakin+Obi-Wan: No way! He won't humiliate us again! Then there wouldn't be a movie!

Count Dooku: Duh. But I'll beat one of you before I die!

They fight. Dooku throws Obi-Wan into a wall. This is the only time in the movie he actually gets knocked out. Anakin and Dooku fight more.

Dooku: You are ANGRY! Use it and get stronger!

Anakin: Why are you helping me beat you?

Dooku: I dunno.

Meanwhile…

Palpatine: Anakin, Anakin, he's my man! If he can't do it, no one can!

Anakin uses his anger and gets stronger. He chops off both of Dooku's arms and puts a lightsaber to his throat.

Anakin: HA! Now it's like I got my arm back AND chopped yours off!

Palpatine: Right…kill him.

Anakin: Okay.

Anakin chops Dooku's head off.

Anakin: Shit! Shouldn't have done that!

Palpatine: Oh well. Let's go.

Anakin: What about Obi-Wan?

Palpatine: What about him?

Anakin: I better bring him. If I left him behind there wouldn't be a movie!

Anakin picks up Obi-Wan, and they all go to the elevator. They stand in line for half an hour. Meanwhile, the ship goes sideways. R2 rolls around on the floor with a bunch of other crap lying around. Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Palpatine walk around in the elevator shaft. But suddenly, the ship goes right way up! Anakin is holding on with Palpatine and Obi-Wan hanging off of him. Obi-Wan chooses this time to wake up.

Obi-Wan: I had the funniest dream…(he looks down) AAAAAAAAH! MOMMY! HELP ME! (he grabs Anakin.)

Anakin: Oh for the love of…

The elevator comes shooting up the shaft like a rocket.

Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Palpatine: AAAAAAAAAAH!

Anakin flips everyone into the hallway,

Obi-Wab: (dusts himself off) Well that's alright. (yells into comlink) R2! Get your metal tush over here!

They walk two steps and into a forcefield.

Anakin: This is a little obvious, even for us.

Obi-Wan: Don't worry! R2 will come save us!

R2: (comes flying around the corridor) BEEEEEP! (he runs into a wall)

A million droids surround them.

Battle-droid: Stupid astro-unit.

R2: (shoots it)

Droid: (kicks R2)

Anakin: Maybe this wasn't the best idea.

**TBC…**

**Please review! Tell me what you think! **

**Next part will be up in a week or so! **

**-QueenofFlarmphgal**


	2. Return to Corusant

**Hello! **

**And on we go to the next part! **

INT. CONTROL ROOM

We get our first good look at General Greivous. He seems to be a droid, but he has funky human eyes and an obvious lung problem.

Greivous: Bring the humans! Bleagh!

Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Palpatine are brought in.

Greivous: Bleagh! You're a little stupider than I thought. Bleagh!

Anakin: You're a little uglier than I thought.

Greivous: I KEEEEEL YOU, JEDI!

Anakin: R2! Save me!

R2 pops a million little weapons out of his body and frees Obi-Wan and Anakin. They get their lightsabers back using the FORCE. Anakin talks to Greivous while Obi-Wan fights his spinny-droidy things.

Greivous: I'm totally going to jack your lightsaber when you're dead, Jedi! Bleagh!

Anakin: Over my dead body!

Greivous: …Bleagh! That's what I said!

Anakin: Over my dead body!

Greivous: Bleagh! But I said…then you…Bleagh! You're confusing me! Screw this!

He breaks a window, turning everything into a vacuum. Then he turns into a spider and escapes from the ship, which is shot in that exact moment.

Obi-Wan: Anakin! Can you drive this piece of shit?

Anakin: Sure hope so!

Palpatine: You damn well better! Or there won't be a movie!

Anakin drives the ship toward Corusant. On the way, the ship breaks in half.

Obi-Wan: I think we lost something!

Palpatine: Hmmm, ya THINK!

They enter Corusant atmosphere. Firefighters surround them.

Firefighter: Dude, you are HOT!

Anakin: Why, thank you!

Firefighter: I mean…uh…ship…on fire.

Anakin: Oh. We are going to land now. By land, I mean skid across the ground until we stop.

INT. GREAT HALL THING

A bunch of people greet the Chancellor.

People: Yay! You're back! But you know, it's been much better here without a Sith Lord…

Palpatine: …right. Glad to see you too!

Anakin and Obi-Wan talk.

Obi-Wan: Ok, see you later. Got to go be a JEDI MASTER. On the JEDI COUNCIL. Have fun with your politician friends, WHO AREN'T JEDI.

Anakin: Whatever. Oh look! It's Padme!

Padme: I thought you were dead.

Anakin: Now honey, if I die, there wouldn't be a movie!

Padme: Oh yeah. Anyway, I'm pregnant! Isn't it great!

Anakin: …

Padme: Isn't it?

Anakin: …

Padme:…YOU HATE ME! (cries)

Anakin: Huh? Oh, wait! It's great! A baby! Yeah!

Padme: (stops crying) I know! And I even have a special on/off pregnancy button!

Anakin: Cool.

INT. PADME/ANAKIN'S HOUSE

Padme: (brushing hair) And I'll make the room pink and put it by the garden, and stay on Naboo forever, and get fired from my job and-

Anakin: …

Padme: -and you'll get fired too, and we'll have no more money, but we'll have a baby!

Anakin: Huh? Oh! You're soooo beautiful.

Padme: Aww! I love you!

LATER THAT NIGHT

Anakin has a dream, in which Padme dies in childbirth. He gets up without a shirt on, giving us a perfect view of his abs/chest.

Drooling Fangirls: SQUEEEE!

Anakin walks around outside. Padme follows.

Padme: What's wrong? Do you hate me?

Anakin: …no. I had a bad dream.

Padme: Oh, did the sweety-weety-wittle-Annie have a bad dream? Tell me about it.

Anakin: You died.

Padme: …Damn! I mean, I won't die!

Anakin: You aren't in the next movie!

Padme: …

INT. YODA'S MEDITATING ROOM THING

Anakin: I have dreams…that your arms are lovely…

Yoda: What?

Anakin: I mean, uh, I see dead people.

Yoda: Sucks that does.

Anakin: How do I stop?

Yoda: Away from everyone get. No one you care about. No problem that should be, because married you are not.

Anakin: …yeah.

INT. WAR STRATEGY PLACE

Obi-Wan: You missed the meeting.

Anakin: About what?

Obi-Wan: The WAR.

Anakin: What war?

Obi-Wan: (rolls eyes) Anyway, the Chancellor wants to 'see' you.

Anakin: Cool.

Obi-Wan: Be careful. Palpatine is a meanie head. And he's probably evil, because he's a POLITICIAN!

Anakin: …right.

INT. PALPATINE'S OFFICE

Palpatine: I want you to represent me at the Council.

Anakin: I am overwhelmed.

Palpatine: That's a BIG word! Who taught it to you?

INT. JEDI COUNCIL

Anakin: I get to be on the council because Palpatine said so!

Mace Windu: Think again, smartass! I don't trust you or the Chancellor dude.

Council: Me neither.

Anakin: (whining) But Palpatine SAID!

Mace Windu: Whatever. Be on the council. But you're not a Master.

Anakin: THAT'S NOT FAIR! I HATE YOU!

Council: …wtf?

Anakin: Ahem. I mean, ok.

Mace Windu: Right. Now, anyone know where General Coughs-A-Lot is?

Council+Anakin: Nope.

Mace Windu: Damn. Meeting over.

**TBC…**

**Many thanks to my awesome reviewers! I can no longer post responses, but my new system is emailing responses to reviewers. So please drop a review, and either sign in or leave an address so I can get back to you! **

**Thanks! **

**QueenofFlarmphgal**


	3. Working Alone

**Well, here we are again! YAY! **

**Enjoy! **

INT. GREAT HALL

Anakin: It's NOT FAIR!

Obi-Wan: Suck it up. Anyway, the council wants you to spy on Palpatine.

Anakin: But he's like my father! And that's against the Jedi Code!

Obi-Wan: Since when did you care about the Jedi Code?

Anakin: …

INT. BUBBLE CONCERT

Palpatine, along with blue-bald guy and a bodyguard, attends a concert which seems to consist of large bubbles imitating the reproductive system while making a noise like a constipated cow.

Palpatine: Ah, Anakin. Pop a squat.

He does.

Palpatine: Want to hear a story?

Anakin: Um, okay.

Palpatine: Once upon a time there was a Sith Lord. He had so much power, he could stop people from dying.

Anakin: Holy Shit!

Palpatine: Cool huh!

Anakin: Where is he now?

Palpatine: Dead.

Anakin: Right…can I learn that too? Just for…experimental reasons, and not for my wife?

Palpatine: (in a creepy voice) Not from a Jedi! MOO HA HA!

INT. JEDI COUNCIL

Mace Windu: We found General Hacks-A-Lot. He's on Utapau

Council: YAY!

Anakin: Can I go kill him?

Hologram Jedi: Can I have some cheese?

Mace: No. Both of you. Obi-Wan, you go!

Council: Yes!

Obi-Wan: Cool.

Anakin: (pouts)

LATER, AT THE GREAT HALL

Obi-Wan is leaving.

Anakin: Sorry for being an ass.

Obi-Wan: That's okay.

Anakin:…don't die.

Obi-Wan: Right.

INT. ANAKIN/PADME'S HOUSE

Padme has her pregnancy set to 'off'. Anakin has another dream about her dying.

Padme: Boo!

Anakin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Padme: Hey, you're a little tense. Did you have another bad dream?

Anakin: Of course not. Hey, was Obi-Wan here?

Padme: Yup. Don't worry, I had my pregnancy off.

Anakin: You died again in my dream.

Padme: You said you didn't have one! Anyway, I promise I won't die. Happy now?

Anakin: No, I promise you!

Audience: Ohh-kay, creepy alert.

Anakin: No one trusts me.

Padme: I do! Wait…no I don't.

Anakin: Whatever. Palpatine awaits.

INT. UTAPAU

Obi-Wan: Hi.

Weird striped dude: EVERYTHING'S OKAY! NOTHING WRONG HERE!

Obi-Wan: Alrighty then! Can I borrow some gas?

Weird striped dude: WE'RE BEING HELD HOSTAGE! SAVE ME! (he jumps into Obi-Wan's arms.)

Obi-Wan: Oh…hold on.

He PRETENDS to get in his ship, but instead, the droid drives away, leaving him behind.

Audience: Wtf? I thought he…but he's right…huh?

Obi-Wan hitches a ride on a giant lizard that sounds like a car alarm. Meanwhile, the Separatists talk.

Greivous: Bleagh! I'm sending you to Mustafar. You know, that fire-lava planet. You'll be safe there, unless you fall in a volcano or in the lava. Or in case a Sith Lord comes to assassinate you. Bleagh!

Nute Gunray: Sure we will.

Greivous: Shut up and get in the freaking ship. Bleagh!

They do. Obi-Wan uses his JEDI POWERS to jump down next to Greivous.

Obi-Wan: You're going down, Hacks-A-Lot!

Greivous: Bleagh! Oh, droid army…

A million droids surround them.

Obi-Wan: Shit.

He uses his JEDI POWERS to kill exactly two droids. The other 999,998 droids prepare to kill him.

Greivous: On second thought, I want to kill him. It would make to much sense to let the droids do it.

Obi-Wan: Bring it on! (Matrix pose)

Greivous: MOO HA HA!

Four arms pop out of Greivous, all holding lightsabers. Two spin in front of him like a lawnmower.

Obi-Wan: Double shit.

Greivous: Time to die!

They fight. Eventually, Obi-Wan chops off all of Greivous's arms. But then he drops his lightsaber. So when Greivous hitches a ride on Rolie Polie Olie's O-mobile, Obi-Wan follows on his car-alarm lizard.

**TBC….**

**See you on Friday!**

**QueenofFlarmphgal**


	4. Jedi Issues

**Hello again! **

**SO SORRY for the late update! It completely flew out of my mind on Friday, and then I went on a computer-free vacation all weekend, and….**

**Sorry.**

**Anyway, here's the next chapter! **

INT. PALPATINE'S ROOM

Anakin and Palpatine walk around in Palpatine's closet.

Palpatine: (closing door) I have a secret!

Anakin: Um…

Palpatine: I know everything about the Force. Even the Dark Side!

Anakin: GASP! But that's like…evil!

Palpatine: Going to kill me?

Anakin: No, that would be too smart. But I'm TELLING ON YOU!

He runs away to find Mace Windu.

INT. WOOKIE PLANET

Yoda: Hello wookies!

Chewbacca: Mwaaaaaaaagh.

Yoda: Useless this army is.

King Wookie: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Yoda: Fight anyway you should.

Wookies: Woot!

A very small and pathetic Wookie army takes on the droids with the help of the clones.

INT. UTAPAU 

Obi-Wan jumps off the car-alarm lizard and onto the O-Mobile. They stop at a conveniently empty hangar when the O-Mobile breaks.

Greivous: NOOOO! Bleagh! You broke my O-Mobile!

Obi-Wan: Ha ha!

Greivous: I kill you HARDER!

Greivous, because he is (mostly) a robot, grabs Obi-Wan and throws him against a few walls. Obi-Wan never seems to get hurt or knocked out. Until he kicks Greivous.

Obi-Wan: AAAAAA! MY TOE! IT'S BROKEN! MOMMY!

Greivous throws Obi-Wan to the ledge. Obi-Wan holds on and gets a gun . As Greivous approaches, he shoots him in his real, beating heart. Why a droid has a heart, I don't know.

Greivous: AAAA! HEARTBURN!

Tylenol lady: He needs some TYLENOL HEARTBURN!

Greivous burns and dies.

Obi-Wan: Cool! I win! But this gun- humph! It's so uncivilized!

INT. GREAT HALL

Anakin runs in and smacks into Mace Windu.

Mace Windu: Oh, it's you. Great news! Obi-Wan killed Greivous all by himself. Without you.

Anakin: He did? But…Wait! No! Palpatine is a Sith Lord!

Mace Windu: Sure he is.

Anakin: No! He is! Really!

Mace Windu: Fine, I'll come. But you had BETTER be right. And stay here.

Mace and two unimportant Jedi go to kill, I mean, arrest Palpatine.

Mace Windu; You're under arrest!

Palpatine: Over your dead body!

Palpatine gets out a lightsaber and kills the unimportant Jedi while Mace twirls his lightsaber around.

Mace Windu: Nooooo! Die, die, die!

They fight. Mace gets the upper hand and pins Palpatine down.

Mace Windu: Now you're REALLY under arrest, chuckle head!

Anakin: (burst in) Noooooooo!

Mace Windu: I TOLD YOU TO STAY BEHIND!

Anakin: So?

Palpatine: Die, Mace!

He shoots lightning at Mace, but he absorbs it easily into his lightsaber. Palpatine keeps doing it and begins to shrivel up like a prune.

Palpatine: No! My pretty!

Mace Windu: Now I'm going to kill you. MOO HA HA!

Anakin: No! DON'T KILL HIM!

Mace Windu: YES! DIE!

Palpatine: Anakin save me!

Anakin: Okay!

He chops off Mace's arm, making him lose control. Palpatine shoots some more lightning, making Mace fall out of the window. Let it be known that Mace Windu was the only Jedi to ever die by falling off of a high building.

Anakin: Shit! Why do I keep killing the wrong people?

Palpatine: Because you're EVIL! Be EVIL with me!

Anakin: Okay! Sounds fun! Yay! Now Padme won't die!

Palpatine: Um, yeah! You are now Darth Vader! Now go kill the Jedi children.

Anakin: Okay! What about the, you know, trained Jedi? Should I kill them?

Palpatine: No, I'll take care of them!

Anakin, I mean, Darth Vader leaves while the Darth Vader music plays! A bunch of Storm Troopers, I mean, clones come along.

INT. JEDI COUNCIL ROOM

A bunch of 'younglings' are hiding. Anakin walks in, a spring in his step.

Little kid: Oh yay! Skywalker will save us!

Anakin: You know, I didn't put killing younglings on my resume…oh well.

Audience: NO! ANAKIN! NO!

Anakin draws his lightsaber.

Younglings: wtf?

Meanwhile, Palpatine gets out his hologram thing.

Palpatine: Execute order 65!

Clones: Okay men, strip and do the-

Palpatine: NO! NO! I mean 66!

Clones: Oh. Okay. Kill the Jedi.

We watch a very sad sequence in which tons of Jedi are killed in fairly pathetic ways, considering they all survived the intense gunning at Geonosis.

INT. UTAPAU

Clones: Hey, here's your lightsaber.

Obi-Wan: Thanks.

He rides away on car-alarm lizard.

Clones: …okay, kill him.

They shoot the cliff with a giant gun. Obi-Wan and car-alarm lizard fall in the water. But Obi-Wan doesn't die. Because if he died, there wouldn't be a movie!

INT. WOOKIE PLANET

Yoda feels all of the Jedi dying. He gets all sad, but when clones try to kill him he kills them in about a second.

Yoda: Sucks this does.

Chewbacca: Mwaaaaaaaaaagh!

Yoda: Leave I think I will.

Yoda jumps on Chewbacca's shoulders, and later gets into a little tree-escape pod.

Audience: Awwww…

Yoda: Farewell, Chewbacca. Meet again in a sequel, we will not.

**TBC….**

**Please review!**


	5. The End is Near

**Hello folks! I know, it's been a while, but things have been so crazy here. What with going back to (gulp) school in two weeks….**

**Anyway, here's the second-to-last installment! **

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

INT. ANAKIN/PADME'S HOUSE

Padme: (cries) (turns pregnancy on)

Anakin: Hi!

Padme: I thought you were dead.

Anakin: I'M NOT! I'M IN THE SEQUEL!

Padme: Look! The Jedi Temple's under attack!

Anakin: That…sucks…

Padme: What are you going to do?

Anakin: Leave. Bye!

He does.

Padme: (cries)

C-3P0: I'm quite useless, aren't I?

INT. SECRET JEDI HQ

Yoda: Dead the Jedi are.

Obi-Wan somehow got there.

Obi-Wan: Let's go look for survivors!

Yoda: Okay!

Senator Alderan: I'm going to a meeting. I'm sure it's not a trap.

Obi-Wan: Whatever.

INT. JEDI TEMPLE

Obi-Wan and Yoda finish off all the clones.

Obi-Wan: Whoa. This sucks quite a bit.

Yoda: Killed by a Jedi these ones were.

Obi-Wan: I wonder who? I know! I'll look at the handy-dandy security tapes!

Yoda: If look at the security tapes you do, only pain will you find.

Obi-Wan: …right. Oh no! Anakin went to the Dark Side! Who saw that coming?

Audience+Yoda: We did!

Yoda: Destroy the Sith we must. Destroy the apprentice you must.

Obi-Wan: Dammit. Where is he anyway?

Yoda: How the hell should I know?

INT. SENATE ROOM

Palpatine: I am horribly scarred and disfigured not because I am a Sith but because I got attacked with a lightsaber.

Guy next to him: God. You are one ugly guy.

Palpatine: Shut up! Anyway, let's build an empire! And I can be king!

Everyone else: COOOL!

Padme: God these people are stupid. But I won't do anything about it, because I might hurt my currently nonexistent baby.

INT. PADME/ANAKIN'S HOUSE

Obi-Wan: Hi. Where's Anakin?

Padme: Somewhere.

Obi-Wan: He's evil, you know.

Padme: NOOOOOO! (cries)

Obi-Wan: Where is he again?

Padme: Will you kill him if I tell you?

Obi-Wan: Yes.

Padme: WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Obi-Wan: Anakin's the father, huh?

Padme: What?

Obi-Wan: You didn't turn off your pregnancy, dummy.

Padme: Shit! (does)

INT. MUSTAFAR

Palpatine hologram: So yeah, Darth Vader will come to 'take care of you'.

Sepratists: Let's be oblivious! YAY!

Anakin: See ya in hell, shitheads!

He kills them.

INT. CORUSANT HANGAR

Padme is leaving to talk to Anakin. How she even knows where he is, I don't know.

Padme: (to S. Alderan) I'll be fine. C-3P0 will protect me. Hey, where is he?

C-3P0: Ooooohh…shiny gun…must…touch…(BOOM!)

Padme: Bye then!

She boards. Obi-Wan sneaks on and hides. Padme is wearing a kindergartener sized dress, which doesn't show her pregnancy, even though it is turned on.

INT. MUSTAFAR

Anakin sees the ship coming in and goes to greet it.

Padme: I thought you were dead!

Anakin: AAAAA! I WON'T DIE! I'M IN THE FLIPPING SEQUEL! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU!

Padme: …Obi-Wan said you're evil and killed (snicker) younglings (snicker)!

Anakin: But the Chancellor is starting an Empire! He offered it to me freely. Long have I desired this…in place of a Dark Lord you will have a KING! NOT DARK, BUT SEXY AND TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN! TREACHEROUS AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE GALAXY! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!

Padme: Waaaaahh! You suck!

Anakin: Your mama sucks! (chokes her)

Obi-Wan: Here I come, to save the day!

Anakin: YOU! I HATE YOU THE MOST! IT'S ON, OLD MAN!

I wasn't sure how to translate this into Yoda-speak. Sorry!

**To Be Concluded….**

**Please review!**

**QueenofFlarmphgal**


	6. The End is Here

**Well, here we are at last…**

**Enjoy thefinal chapter!**

**&&&&&&&&&&&&**

FINALLY, we get to the epic fight. It is way cooler than all the fights in the other five put together. Along the way they fight on this building, which breaks. Obi-Wan jumps to safety on an unsuspecting droid.

Obi-Wan: Whew! Hope he died!

Anakin: (jumps on other droid) Not till Return of the Jedi, fool!

Obi-Wan jumps to higher ground with his JEDI POWERS.

Obi-Wan: Ha!

Anakin: 'Anything you can do, I can do better…'

Obi-Wan: No! Don't!

Anakin does this really impressive cartwheel jump with his SITH POWERS. But on the way, Obi-Wan chops off his legs and an arm.

Obi-Wan: You were supposed to destroy the Sith, not join them!

Anakin: I think I missed that memo…But I HATE YOU! AAAAARRGH!

He catches fire.

Obi-Wan: Well, screw that.

He leaves Anakin suffering, taking his lightsaber. While this has been going on, Yoda has been fighting the Emperor.

INT. CORUSANT

Yoda: Going down, you are!

Emperor: You wish!

They fight and end up in the Senate Room, where the Emperor throws Senate boxes at Yoda.

Yoda: Hmm. Stronger than I thought, you are.

Emperor: MOO HA HA!

Eventually, Yoda falls. He runs away into a secret tunnel thing. The audience realizes that without a robe, Yoda looks a lot like his action figure.

Emperor's Friend: Did you find Yoda's body?

Clone: Well, he fell.

Emperor: When does anyone die from falling in a movie?

Clone: Ah.

INT. CRUISER

Yoda drops next to Senator Alderan.

Yoda: Lost I did. Time to go, it is.

S. Alderan: Right-O!

They go to Secret Jedi HQ.

INT. MUSTAFAR

The Emperor finds Anakin, who is obviously still alive, as he's moving around.

Emperor: He's alive!

Clone: No shit Sherlock!

Emperor: Quick! To the handy-dandy MACHINE ROOM!

INT. PADME'S SHIP

Obi-Wan enters with about two burns.

C-3P0: I'm useless and she turned her pregnancy on!

Obi-Wan: To the Secret Jedi HQ!

INT. SECRET JEDI HQ

Padme is finally giving birth.

Droid: Oomba Boomba!

Obi-Wan: Look! A boy!

Padme: OW, DAMN IT! I mean, Luke!

Droid: Oomba Goomba!

Obi-Wan: Look! A girl!

Padme: Leia…

Obi-Wan: NO! DON'T DIE!

Padme: There is still…

Obi-Wan: There is still what? Sausage?

Audience: No! There is still hope!

LOTR Fans: SQUEE!

INT. MACHINE ROOM

Anakin puts on his Darth Vader suit.

Anakin: Does this make me look fat?

Emperor:…

Anakin: Where's Padme?

Emperor: You killed her, dumbass.

Anakin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHHIIIIIIIIIIT!

INT. JEDI HQ

Obi-Wan: Padme's dead.

Yoda: Separated the twins must be.

S. Alderan: I want the girl!

Obi-Wan: I want the b-

Yoda: To his family the boy can go. The girl's grandparents were cut out of the movie.

Obi-Wan: Fine. (scowl) I'm going to watch over him though!

Yoda: Got Cingular Wireless, Qui-Gon has.

Obi-Wan: What?

Yoda: Talk to him toll-free you can.

Obi-Wan: Sweet!

INT. PADME'S FUNERAL

Obi-Wan: Damn! I forgot to turn off her pregnancy!

We see Padme's family but don't recognize them because they were cut from Episode 2.

INT. EVIL SHIP

Darth Vader: I hate you, you know.

Emperor: Embrace your anger!

Anakin: (scowls) (folds arms)

INT. ALDERAN

S. Alderan: Lookie here! A baby!

His wife: Gee whilikers!

INT. TATOOINE

Obi-Wan: Anyone want a baby? No one? Oh well, looks like-

Some Lars: I do!

Obi-Wan: Damn.

Commence heroic pose.

**END**

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

**Well, there you go! Hope you enjoyed it! I know I did! **

**I can't respond to this chapter's reviews, but please tell me what you think! **

**And be on the lookout for Episode IV: A New Whiner, coming soon to **


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